I find it utterly and completely galling that, aside from, and in spite of motherhood, I am an incredibly boring person. I am a proud stay at home mother and I am quite happy and firm in that decision most of the time. But I just realized that I do very little outside of that. Everything I do is dictated or constrained by the fact of my own fertility. Everything. My beloved husband, not so much. I don't have friends that I go hang out with, or play poker with or whatever the female equivalent is. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I want to go out and get drunk and man-bash with a bunch of women trashier than I'll ever be. But just once, I would like to go do something knowing that I don't have to beg him or someone else to keep the girls. Just once, I would like to be spontaneous. Why, oh why, didn't we do this before we had kids?!!! We did nothing. At all. We didn't even date!!! We stayed at home and watched stolen cable on a crappy tv, in a crappy trailer that I still think fondly of, despite the now glaringly obvious flaws. Yes, we were in love and life was good. Then we had kids. Three of them. All girls. And I'm alone, on a Friday night, while my beloved goes and hangs out with his friends and his cousin, plays poker, drinks at least a little no matter what he plans or says. And suddenly, I know what my mother meant when she would say she always feels like a drudge. Because, pathetically, that's what I am.